Archival Footage, Episode 2

February 22, 2009 at 10:48 pm | Posted in TV | Leave a comment
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Been a bit lazy of late; here’s one from April 4th, 2006…that is somehow, through MTV’s refusal to just put this dog of a show down, still relevant.

The Really Real World

Random rant.

I hate The Real World. I hate the people on the Real World. Unfortunately, my wife (and Bill Fusta) love them. So I get stuck watching it sometime.

They just ended the Real World vs. Road Rules thing a couple weeks ago. They had a veterans team, implying that this has been going on for a while. Now, the last time I followed the Real World, it was in the Pettit’s basement…so we’re talking at least a decade here.

I recognized several players, which means that these folks have been doing this for going on ten years. They all live in LA now (there’s actually a bar owned by one of them where they all hang out), waiting for MTV to call them up and ask them to be on Road Rules Veterans Return Part 78 or something.

They’ve become so used to being on tv all the time that they’ve actually become caricatures of themselves. They’re ridiculous, stupid people.

I propose the following:

MTV invites all the former Real World / Road Rules players to their studios for a meeting. Once there, Jon Murray walks in and tells them that MTV is never producing another Real World show again. He explains to them that they are all over 30 years old without a single marketable skill or talent. He wishes them luck in finding gainful employment.

And then he walks out, leaving them all to ponder what to do with their worthless lives.

Let the camera roll on that shit for an hour, and you’ve got viewer number one right here.

Archival Footage – Episode 1

January 30, 2009 at 11:49 pm | Posted in Business, Life | Leave a comment
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I headed over to MySpace today (for the first time in about six months) to erase myself from that rapidly disintegrating universe. After navigating through the required screens, I was presented with a message indicating that all the content I had created would be destroyed.

Troubling.

I used to blog on MySpace, and I like those blogs. So here is what I’m going to do. I’m going to reprint those blogs here, steadily over time, until I have moved them all. And then I will remove myself from that wretched, cursed place. So, jump into the wayback machine with me, back to the heady (and apparently much more vulgar) days of June 2006….

Great Moments in Advertising

I was showing this to a friend the other day and I thought that I would share it with you. I now present the greatest moment in the history of advertising:

safetyswitchad_jones_5002

There are so many great things about this ad:

1. Fear as a selling tactic. 

“If you don’t buy this product, SOMEBODY WILL DIE.” That is just so great. You could sell so many things like this – “If you don’t buy these Cool Ranch Doritos, Carl will die!” Shameless and fantastic.

2. The “Private Office” label on the window.

What kind of menial mid level management executive are you? You don’t even get your name on the door, you just work in the “Private Office.” At my office in Charlotte, that’s what we called the shitter.

3. The executive’s hair line.

What is that? Is that a mohawk? What’s going on with this guy’s head?

4. “Prevents Unnecessary Death From Electric Shock”

As opposed to the necessary deaths? Are we to be led to believe that if it wasn’t Jones that bumped into the exposed safety switch, this wouldn’t be so bad? What if it was that assclown Murphy? Would it be ok then? Anyone but your precious Jones.

Fuck you Jones. I’m glad you’re dead. You had it coming. You know why.

 

In the time before Facebook…

September 13, 2008 at 3:23 pm | Posted in Travel | Leave a comment
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…I used to blog on the MySpace. This was before MySpace turned into one giant, obnoxious banner-ad. Punch the Monkey!

Having since made the move to Facebook, I find myself missing the blogging capability. I’ve joined wordpress and am working on getting that to import to my Facebook page…

Since this is more of an experiment than a content generator at this point, I’m simply going to re-post an old blog to see if this works. Enjoy.

Lost in translation…

I’ve been meaning to post this for a while, and today I find myself sick and at home with some time on my hands.

When Denise and I were in Thailand, it was not unusual for a guy to come up to you in the street and offer to sell you DVD’s for about $2 a piece. If you agreed, you were shuffled down a back alley and directed through a false wall (not kidding here) into what I like to describe as the MPAA’s worst nightmare.

Every movie you could imagine is available there, and every pirated DVD store is FULL of American tourists buying these things.

Anyway – if you’re looking for a movie that’s out on DVD already, the cover will match what you would normally find on Best Buy’s store shelves – I imagine that they just photocopy it.

If, however, you’re looking for a movie that is currently out in theatres (and not yet on DVD), well, the pirates had to get a little creative there. I suspect that they looked at some existing American DVD covers that they had, and just tried to ape those.

Movie title? Check.
Picture of the stars? Check.
Description of the movie? Check.
Blurb about special features? Check.

Now…what are we missing. Oh yeah! The obligitory “I loved this movie!” movie quote from some random critic. See below, here’s the actual scan of the movie cover that I brought home –

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

“The comedy is obvious and flat while the drama is stale!” How did this happen? Can we assume that whoever was in charge of forging this cover doesn’t speak english? Or do you think that this was intentional?

This is comedy GOLD, people. Oh how I wish real DVD covers actually displayed this level of candor.

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