Family Dining

July 1, 2009 at 11:42 am | Posted in Life | 2 Comments
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Encountered on my travels last night, this rather plain looking coffee table.

Table ClosedBut wait. There’s more.

Say that you’re, oh, I don’t know, sitting on your couch ordering a pizza through your TV. What do you do when said pizza arrives? Do you quit the television, that ever-present, ever-glowing, mind-numbing additional member of your family? Do you vacate the couch in favor of a dining room table, mayhaps to sup with your family and enjoy some evening conversation?

No, sir and madam, you need not.

What you can do, and really, why wouldn’t you, is raise your living room table to proper height and distance such that your television viewing experience may remain uninterrupted while you dine comfortably from your couch. But getting your coffee table to the proper height would be so difficult, you say.

I present you:

Table OpenDear reader, I swear that I am not being facetious here. This is the stated purpose of this table. To enable eating from the couch because, and I’m paraphrasing here, “who wants to get up from the TV just to eat dinner.”

I stood, marveling at this monstrosity, rubbing my temples in despair.

America. Please. I am begging you.

Stop. Just…..just stop it.

There is still time to turn this all around.


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  1. You’ve seen Wall-E, right? This is just the first step on our journey to being (literally) spineless amoebas hooked up to TV and internet and on a liquid diet.

    • You had me until “liquid diet.” Liquid Chicken McNuggets are disgusting.

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