Archival Footage – Episode 1

January 30, 2009 at 11:49 pm | Posted in Business, Life | Leave a comment
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I headed over to MySpace today (for the first time in about six months) to erase myself from that rapidly disintegrating universe. After navigating through the required screens, I was presented with a message indicating that all the content I had created would be destroyed.

Troubling.

I used to blog on MySpace, and I like those blogs. So here is what I’m going to do. I’m going to reprint those blogs here, steadily over time, until I have moved them all. And then I will remove myself from that wretched, cursed place. So, jump into the wayback machine with me, back to the heady (and apparently much more vulgar) days of June 2006….

Great Moments in Advertising

I was showing this to a friend the other day and I thought that I would share it with you. I now present the greatest moment in the history of advertising:

safetyswitchad_jones_5002

There are so many great things about this ad:

1. Fear as a selling tactic. 

“If you don’t buy this product, SOMEBODY WILL DIE.” That is just so great. You could sell so many things like this – “If you don’t buy these Cool Ranch Doritos, Carl will die!” Shameless and fantastic.

2. The “Private Office” label on the window.

What kind of menial mid level management executive are you? You don’t even get your name on the door, you just work in the “Private Office.” At my office in Charlotte, that’s what we called the shitter.

3. The executive’s hair line.

What is that? Is that a mohawk? What’s going on with this guy’s head?

4. “Prevents Unnecessary Death From Electric Shock”

As opposed to the necessary deaths? Are we to be led to believe that if it wasn’t Jones that bumped into the exposed safety switch, this wouldn’t be so bad? What if it was that assclown Murphy? Would it be ok then? Anyone but your precious Jones.

Fuck you Jones. I’m glad you’re dead. You had it coming. You know why.

 

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